Drawing a Line in the Sand: A True Story of Empowering Teens in Youth Ministry
Do You Believe You Have Worth?
“Every girl in our school has a better body than me. I’m fat. And I hate my body.”
As soon as she said it my heart dropped. She was 12. And at 5’3, I’d be shocked if she weighed more than 110 pounds. This kid was anything but fat.
The second the words exited her mouth every other girl shook her head in agreement.
Wait a second.
Every other girl shook her head in agreement.
Was it possible they all felt the same?
Was she just brave enough to say it first?
Maybe.
And darn it.
The question I had posed to the group was this:
“Do you believe you have worth? Why or why not?”
Apparently, it was just the invitation they needed. The group of 40 pre-teen girls and their mothers, whom I was leading through The Relationship Project, broke into a noisy and animated discussion immediately. Every single one of these 40 girls expressed issues with their appearance. And they directly tied their appearance to their worth.
We jumped into “real talk” faster than anything I’d ever seen. It was as if they had been just waiting to get their feelings off their chests and hash it all out.
A New Day for Youth Ministry
If I’m honest, I hadn’t wanted to lead this group. This was my first time taking a mixed-demographic group through The Relationship Project. This time, I was leading not only 40 pre-teen girls through the program, but also their mothers.
It felt a bit risky.
But since the head of a local school was a dear friend, and since members of her team had asked, I agreed.
These girls had been struggling with a slew of teenage issues of the common variety including gossip, cliques, fighting on social media and competitiveness. This forward-thinking team of educators was coming alongside them, and their mothers, to support, build relationships, and help them grow in their friendships with each other.
Of course I was all in.
But now I had to talk about body issues with a group of young girls who were raw about them. Oh, yes. And their moms.
Do We All Feel This Way?
“I totally get that”, I told the girl. “I know that feeling all too well.” “I think most of us do.”
And then I opened it up to the moms. “Moms, can any of you relate with what our girls are telling us?”
What happened next was unexpected. But it was also one of the best ministry experiences I’ve had in almost 35 years of varied ministry leadership roles.
Every single woman in the place leapt out of her seat.
40 women all nodding in agreement about the struggle to separate her view of her physical self with her worth as a child of God.
40 women sharing their own struggles with their daughters.
And not in a weird way. But in a “I get you” way. “I understand and am with you” way. And in a “I’m for you” kind of way that washed all over their girls.
“I am so insecure about my body.”
“I’m so old now, I can’t even move!”
“I compare myself to every other woman in this room. It’s awful.”
I didn’t see it coming.
Drawing a Line in the Sand
The next hour was spent unpacking all sorts of things with this group. It felt heavy and light at the same time. It was painful and beautiful and unifying and cathartic. And it was obvious there were ongoing conversations to be had.
As we closed our time, a challenge popped into my head and out of my mouth.
“What if we draw a line in the sand? What if we, in this room right now, mothers, daughters, teachers, and staff of the class of 2029, decide we want something different?
What if we agree that together, we will fight the instinct to tie our worth to our appearance, or any other external aspect of ourselves? What if we decide together that we’re going to fight that?”
As you can imagine, they all agreed. Instantly. Because basing your worth on anything other than the truth that we are beloved children of God…well, that’s just too much to bear.
So, we drew a line in the sand.
Pressing On
I don’t know how the next weeks and months will play out. For sure, there’s work to do and we still have sessions to complete in The Relationship Project.
But I can tell you this: The conversation has been started. And the feedback I’ve received has been nothing short of miraculous. Mothers and daughters thankful for the chance to remember how their Creator feels about them. A community standing on the front lines, locking arms with moms and their girls. A community standing at the ready to fight a culture that says nothing matters but how you look, what you have, and if you win.
But no longer will this be true for this group. Because we drew a line in the sand.
Our worth goes far beyond that narrative.
Learn more about how you can help other teens draw a line in the sand and have breakthroughs in understanding their worth.
The Relationship Project equips your youth with the tools they need to navigate identity, intimacy, and mental health issues, leading them to see themselves through the eyes of their Creator. Discover how The Relationship Project can transform your youth ministry.
If you're a ministry leader, check out our free resource:
10 Tips for Connecting with Teens in Your Youth Group is a free guide will teach you how to build meaningful relationships with your students so they’ll experience the transformative love of Christ.
